What happened from my side of View:
category: residue [glöplog]
Quote:
Quote:As a TRSi member [...]
Let's stop there - are DocD's quotes accurate from the internal channels?
I checked it out. Didn't find everything DocD was refering to. We usually talk german there so it's also hard, to look out for that. I think I know what DocD was refering to and I totally respect his perspective.
I won't tell more, because I know I'm biased anyway. I will not participate in any "X said this" and "Y said this" bullshit. For this is the root of all misunderstandings.
Quote:
I will not participate in any "X said this" and "Y said this" bullshit. For this is the root of all misunderstandings.
I don't really care who said it, I'm just curious what you think about it.
Quote:
Quote:I will not participate in any "X said this" and "Y said this" bullshit. For this is the root of all misunderstandings.
I don't really care who said it, I'm just curious what you think about it.
I think every single person should be held accountable for their actions.
That's not what I asked though.
What do you think about such things that DocD quoted being said in 2021?
What do you think about such things that DocD quoted being said in 2021?
Quote:
What do you think about such things that DocD quoted being said in 2021?
Iam interested aswell.
Or, if you want to know names, Elko's aka "Deleted"'s comments in here.
Quote:
in the TRSI internal discord that night, the reaction to the facts have been even more disgusting by several members.
Quote:
several
Sounds to me like more than "just" hardy and Elko. It is perfectly fine to not make the names behind that disgusting quotes DocD posted public, but I can understand any person who'd say that she/he will feel uncomfortable when meeting someone from TRSI in person at a demoparty, feeling unsure about their (hidden) agenda, because I will feel the same way.
wow wow wow...Sir...there no hidden Agenda in TRSi. Lets stay fair.
As i stated, there are only a few of members that are over the edge and paint a negative image on the group.
What i critisize is a kinda bystander effect, like
"hm...na i wont say anything. Not my business"
And that is what everyone has to ask him/herself:
"Do i tolerate bad behaviour? And if not: do i stand up against it?"
...and this yes
As i stated, there are only a few of members that are over the edge and paint a negative image on the group.
What i critisize is a kinda bystander effect, like
"hm...na i wont say anything. Not my business"
And that is what everyone has to ask him/herself:
"Do i tolerate bad behaviour? And if not: do i stand up against it?"
Quote:
Or, if you want to know names, Elko's aka "Deleted"'s comments in here.
...and this yes
Jan, alles gut, viel von dem was man sagen möchte geht hier leider viel zu oft lost in translation. Was ich meinte war NICHT, dass TRSI eine "hidden agenda" hat (als Gruppe), sondern, dass man, wenn man nicht weiß, wer diese widerliche Scheiße in eurem Discordchat geschrieben hat, die Du zitiert hast, in Zukunft bei jedem Aufeinandertreffen mit jemandem von TRSI denken/annehmen/befürchten könnte, dass das derjenige war, der andere als "Revision cxxxs" bezeichnet usw., man also nicht weiß, ob das jeweilige Individuum, das einem gerade gegenüber steht, Urheber dieser Respektlosigkeiten war. Wenn Darya befürchtet, selbst auf Demoparties ihren Schlüsselbund als mögliche Waffe nicht ausschließen zu können, weil betrunkene Endvierziger ( <- rhetorisches Symbolbild ) sich und ihre pseudoomnipotenten "Ansichten" evtl. nicht im Griff haben, dann ist das nicht in Ordnung; für Darya nicht, und für niemand anderen dort. (Wo auch immer "dort" als nächstes sein wird.)
Sorry for german language.
Many, many misunderstandings here on pouët happen because english is not everyone's native language.
Sorry for german language.
Many, many misunderstandings here on pouët happen because english is not everyone's native language.
Quote:
Quote:What do you think about such things that DocD quoted being said in 2021?
Iam interested aswell.
I think you should talk to Elko in person. After checking the discord I really don't know who else you're refering to. And if you do, then talk to them as well.
In general it seems to me that the "discussion" about "TRSi members" was mostly about Elko. And when I look at his reaction(s) I believe he thought so too.
One might say: "it's his own fault", because of the way he behaves. And yes, you have a point if you think this way about him.
But when it comes down to what "I think" (what is what you guys asked for), I think he's a great guy, even if I can argue with him all night and day about our different political views etc.
And if you really don't want to sort things out, be at least honest and point out with whom and with what views you have problems with.
Don't project those feelings onto everyone who is associated with that person.
And if I'm totally wrong and this isn't about Elko: fine, then sort it out with whoever is the one.
And if you can't sort it out or get to a compromise: also fine, but don't judge others who love a person with the wrong assumption that if you love someone, you have to agree with everything they say or think.
i'm sorry if you feel offended by this, i don't know you at all (atleast i think we never met), so i have no clue where you're coming from and you might have all the good intentions of the world.
but, if you love a person yet you won't try to explain to them that being a sexist and homophobe is wrong, i will indeed judge you negatively for it. and so will many others. expecting otherwise is wishful thinking.
but, if you love a person yet you won't try to explain to them that being a sexist and homophobe is wrong, i will indeed judge you negatively for it. and so will many others. expecting otherwise is wishful thinking.
I'm not offended. It's total fine for me however you might think of me or my friends as long as you're honest and direct about it. And it's also total fine for me what DocD said and did – although I personally would have approached things differently. But I know this is said easily when you never faced the situation, so that's just "in theory". Maybe I wouldn't in reality.
What I don't like is generalizing and dismissing a whole scene group because of the misbehaviour* (?) of a few single individuals. At least not in a group that is as big as TRSi and where some people might not have ever met those individuals and therefore wouldn't even have the chance to "try to explain to them that being a sexist and homophobe is wrong".
And with "some people" I don't mean myself. I am friends with Elko. If you want to, you can add me to the bunch of individuals who are sexists, homophobes and so on. If you want to address those issues it's not that hard to clearly state who you're talking about.
Of course this is just *my* opinion – also as a single individual. Not trying to generalize would be *my* way if I'm pissed off by someone in i.e. GP or FLT or $insertRandomHugeSceneGroupHere.
*to be clear: I don't refer to what happened at Revision and am not downplaying it. I refer to the "oh well, TRSi are only old, sexist, drunk fucks anyway" vibe I'm getting here when reading.
What I don't like is generalizing and dismissing a whole scene group because of the misbehaviour* (?) of a few single individuals. At least not in a group that is as big as TRSi and where some people might not have ever met those individuals and therefore wouldn't even have the chance to "try to explain to them that being a sexist and homophobe is wrong".
And with "some people" I don't mean myself. I am friends with Elko. If you want to, you can add me to the bunch of individuals who are sexists, homophobes and so on. If you want to address those issues it's not that hard to clearly state who you're talking about.
Of course this is just *my* opinion – also as a single individual. Not trying to generalize would be *my* way if I'm pissed off by someone in i.e. GP or FLT or $insertRandomHugeSceneGroupHere.
*to be clear: I don't refer to what happened at Revision and am not downplaying it. I refer to the "oh well, TRSi are only old, sexist, drunk fucks anyway" vibe I'm getting here when reading.
Quote:
I think you should talk to Elko in person.
No, I'm curious what you think, cos you keep avoiding the question - again, I don't know who said it, and frankly I'm not sure I care either. But if there were 80 bystanders listening and nodding, that would bother me.
Spiderj:
I stated here, that iam very sad about the fact that a bunch of people create a very bad image on the group - and vice versa, it is not fair on behalf of the many really nice guys in TRSI.
So iam not generalizing. Neither should anyone.
As head of security at Revision (which makes me kinda mod on that reallife channel) iam well aware, on who plays within a range of misbehaviour - which is "yap...drunk fuck, i´ll talk about that with him/her hes sober again"
or if i have to report to the mainorga that we might consider a Zero tolerance policy or even a permban.
It is even worse when organizers or visitors ask me uncomfortable questions about incidents that I did not notice directly.
Why are they talking with me about that?
Because 1. its my job and 2. iam member of that group.
Which leads to several conflicts of interest and my own valuesystem aswell.
The thing is:
Why must´ve been there be such incidents at all?
And why are mostly the same members involved?
And why does no one seem to care?
When i cover or ignore misbehaviour, what does that make of me?
And iam not talking about bullshit talking, puking, standard dumbfuck...
You think i left because Elko made rude comments in that TRSi internal discord that night?
After 18 years and all i invested in it? I dont give a f* about elko.
Elkos statements, Hardys incomprehension, refusal of reflection and the cheering of several other members that night about the statments there, just overflew my personal barrel of wtf tolerance and my decision to leave broke my heart.
But the comments here on pouet afterwards just prove it, that i decided right.
Anwyway...
One can of course ignore the image of a group and pretend that nothing has ever happened - or one can start to tidy up that barn.
I wont list all the incidents, that lead to my decision and I wont post chatlogs, thats bad style. You know what i mean from that night, when you´ve been there.
And i know what i experienced ofer all the years.
One personal thing, because you pointed out beeing friends and such.
Being a friend, does not mean that your job is to tolerate everything or to cover something your friend is shitting in the bed.
Your job would be to intervene, before such shit happens or it even happens again.
As an expert for groupdynamics, pls let me tell you that when you tolerate behaviour of your brother without intervention, it makes you the same.
I would just ask the moderate members or even the leadership of the group, whether they are willing to work on he groups image or not.
We have examples in the past, that this might work well.
I dont want this to be a witchhunt, neither do i want to blame to whole group - as stated before.
And i also understand that maybe you feel uncomfortable or offended by me, my statements and maybe iam persona non grata now.
I can live with that. Doesnt feel good...but hey, if it helps a tiny bit on reflecting, then this shitshow makes a tiny bit of sense.
I stated here, that iam very sad about the fact that a bunch of people create a very bad image on the group - and vice versa, it is not fair on behalf of the many really nice guys in TRSI.
So iam not generalizing. Neither should anyone.
As head of security at Revision (which makes me kinda mod on that reallife channel) iam well aware, on who plays within a range of misbehaviour - which is "yap...drunk fuck, i´ll talk about that with him/her hes sober again"
or if i have to report to the mainorga that we might consider a Zero tolerance policy or even a permban.
It is even worse when organizers or visitors ask me uncomfortable questions about incidents that I did not notice directly.
Why are they talking with me about that?
Because 1. its my job and 2. iam member of that group.
Which leads to several conflicts of interest and my own valuesystem aswell.
The thing is:
Why must´ve been there be such incidents at all?
And why are mostly the same members involved?
And why does no one seem to care?
When i cover or ignore misbehaviour, what does that make of me?
And iam not talking about bullshit talking, puking, standard dumbfuck...
You think i left because Elko made rude comments in that TRSi internal discord that night?
After 18 years and all i invested in it? I dont give a f* about elko.
Elkos statements, Hardys incomprehension, refusal of reflection and the cheering of several other members that night about the statments there, just overflew my personal barrel of wtf tolerance and my decision to leave broke my heart.
But the comments here on pouet afterwards just prove it, that i decided right.
Anwyway...
One can of course ignore the image of a group and pretend that nothing has ever happened - or one can start to tidy up that barn.
I wont list all the incidents, that lead to my decision and I wont post chatlogs, thats bad style. You know what i mean from that night, when you´ve been there.
And i know what i experienced ofer all the years.
One personal thing, because you pointed out beeing friends and such.
Being a friend, does not mean that your job is to tolerate everything or to cover something your friend is shitting in the bed.
Your job would be to intervene, before such shit happens or it even happens again.
As an expert for groupdynamics, pls let me tell you that when you tolerate behaviour of your brother without intervention, it makes you the same.
I would just ask the moderate members or even the leadership of the group, whether they are willing to work on he groups image or not.
We have examples in the past, that this might work well.
I dont want this to be a witchhunt, neither do i want to blame to whole group - as stated before.
And i also understand that maybe you feel uncomfortable or offended by me, my statements and maybe iam persona non grata now.
I can live with that. Doesnt feel good...but hey, if it helps a tiny bit on reflecting, then this shitshow makes a tiny bit of sense.
Quote:
What I don't like is generalizing and dismissing a whole scene group because of the misbehaviour* (?) of a few single individuals. At least not in a group that is as big as TRSi and where some people might not have ever met those individuals and therefore wouldn't even have the chance to "try to explain to them that being a sexist and homophobe is wrong".
A casual observer will form his image of a group by exactly that: casual observation. This means that the most apparent/visible/loud aspects of a group will form that groups reputation. While I understand that it's always desirable to have a better understanding about the differences, it's unrealistic to expect everyone to be sufficiently interested in TRSI (or any other group) to take a closer look. The stuff that sticks to memory will shape that groups image.
There are groups who are mostly known for their releases, and reputation is formed this way. Other groups are not as impactful on the release side of things, but if these groups do a lot of marketing ("handing out tons of stickers"), or are just very loud and visible at demoparties, an image is formed that way. So, while it sucks a bit, the drama queens, offenders, loudmouths will be associated with a group that doesn't do anything to balance it out.
I'll give some more examples from the back of my head, not necessarily representing my actual opinions, but to illustrate the point:
- poo brain: happy dutch ppl in colorful clothes dancing to weird music outside
- farbrausch: sober professionals, nerds
- mercury: sober professionals, and there is also las.
- still: artists. sober and shy.
- conspiracy: that's the group gargaj is in, good stuff
- metalvotze: the punks that made winnerdemo. suspicious, probably drunk, better keep some distance
get the idea? does that make sense?
tldr:
if you want to gain a better reputation for your demogroup, be mindful about what it looks like to the casual observer
Jco sums it perfectly up. Thread could be closed imho.
Incel, here. At least, some ppl on discord decided that. But anyways, cool down, stay calm. Watch demos.
@DocD: I agree with you in very many points. Especially the point about friendship. But I don't feel the need to elaborate on details of what I argue about, discuss with my friends about parts of their behaviour or ideologies that I think are "not okay" in public. I usually try my best to intervene in situations when I think something is going to far.
I wish you and everyone here all the best.
Love & Peace!
spider.
I wish you and everyone here all the best.
Love & Peace!
spider.
Hmm, seems what i tried to say with this thread-post was completely misunderstood (again):
(Also i feel this new post won´t change anything at all, but i have to try atleast!)
When i said i am an addict, i meant it, but it´s absolutely not as in "i drink every day and i need help" or alike...it´s more like: i love to drink at parties...and i overdose most of the times, as i am not used to drink that much!
I am an Addict, as i am overdosing, IF i decide to drink! <- what i tried to say!
I only brought it up, because i wanted to show you all that i am sorry about being bad at making jokes, although i always try to be funny when drunk!
-> You all assumed i was trying to use it as an excuse for having harrassed someone...which i never did!
When i said i am not into Women i meant it just like that:
I really took a clear decision back when i was 23 to never again want to have any relationship with women anymore...
...i kept flirting (to make myself and the involved women feel good, as i was used to women liking me), but i would never have gone into a real relationship again if someone offered it to me!
That decision even meant no sex anymore, so not even a relationship just for sex is anything i am interested ever since! 20 years of no sex, i guess none of you all would be able to live the Monk like me! :P
I could have said i am Gay, and all of you would have had to rethink what you were thinking at that point of time, but as i am not gay, i didn´t do so, of course!
But think of it...i am like a gay, as i am not interested in women at all, just like male gays! :P
Now you know this: Does it even make ANY sense i would harrass a woman or even put a Rape-Threat ? NO? CORRECT! NONSENSE!
I still haven´t read the chatlog, as noone ever gave me access to it, although i asked so damn many times, so many of you!
(I am banned from the Discord-Server, remember? So i can´t just read it!)
There seem to have been some posts in this Thread with the chatlog, but whenever i checked here, these weren´t accessible anymore!
My "Friend" was a friend to me for more than 25 years, but by now he is banned from my life, as he threatened to kill me the last time i saw him, for absolutely no reason! I had to call the police to remove him
from my flat...even his wife is about to get divorced (after having moved from brazil to marry him and live with him here in Germany) for exactly the same reason! (I´ve been 100% sober when this happened, he not!)
He really ain´t my friend anymore! But it wasn´t really his fault i started to drink early that Revision...it was just my very own fault to start drinking! I could have said NO and this wouldn´t have changed anything i guess!
I was boozing like a madman over here, trying to compensate there being no real party with actual hugging etc, somehow! So my fault! He just started it early for me, so i´ve been in an even deeper bad condition, when
i tried to be funny!
Again: i only told you in my initial post to make clear to you, that i were in a bad "be funny"-condition, NOT to tell you i need help or sth!
I clearly remember i was about to make a joke and then got banned...i was a happy partying person at that point of time and i didn´t even get the reason i got banned when it happened...only the next day, after i
had slept i got overwhelmed with all these accusations of harrassment/rape-threat/etc., which at first i couldn´t believe at all, knowing who i am, until i remembered what kind of joke i tried to make!
I said i didnt get to resolute the Joke, as i got banned before i got to that...and that´s all that happened still, there was no real harrassment, just me being too drunk to realize how wrong all of it got received by anyone
else than me by then! For myself i was in the middle of making a joke...in hindsight i must have maybe enjoyed people trying to figure what i am up to...i were just delaying the "pointe" to make the joke better,
as i know i am bad at joking, but read about how to make jokes better! (for example by delaying the pointe!) -> I tried to say so in my initial post aswell, when i said i saw a spot to make a diff joke!
The real problem must be that i assumed all of you know me for that long, that you figured i am drunk and trying to be funny just once again!
Just as a sidenote here:
I got told i got a notice to stop by some organizer before i got banned...
Also i read here she said STOP multiple times...
Both of it must have scrolled by without me noticing, i have been trying to type, mostly trying to correct my drunk typing, and input my joke at that time!
(See my Live-Coding(-Videos), where i am trying to code, but most of the time i am just correcting typos!)
I said i read her saying STOP IT...but i just read it ONCE and then have been busy drunk-typing the pointe of the joke, not reading anything anyone wrote at that time at all !
I just took it as an opportunity to enhance the joke, as stated in my initial post! ;)
Anyone knowing me any better than all of you (, eventhough i thought you all were as much my friends as those people) knows about me being one of the kindest people they could be befriended with,
eventhough i may be a bit harsh at times, when drunk for example, but even then they know how to take it, just me trying to be funny or a funny badass for a few moments!
This said:
I am super-annoyed and very disappointed by the response i got here, especially from long-yeared-"friends"!
I didn´t try to appologize at all in this Thread, i was trying to show you what happened in Reality!
I appologized many times before already, first to herself via Facebook/Discord/etc., where i never got an Answer (which i understand by now, having realized how wrong you all, including her, got all of this!)
and then to everyone via Oneliner and this very Thread!
I didn´t appologize for any Harrassment ever, because there wasn´t any, it was always about a Joke that never happened, and i appologized just for that...my trying-to-be-funny-when-drunk...many times!
There was no Witch-Hunt!
But noone of you (the people i thought would be my friends for many years) ever tried to talk to me about this matter at all!
All i got was Accusations and "Get Help"-Advices!
The only thing i need help for is getting better at joking and typing, also realizing Text doesn´t transport fun maybe...
...although this seems to be my fault, as if i would have been sober, i wouldn´t have even tried to make such a joke in a chat!
On a real party i would have made the pointe right after she said "stop it" and everything would still be ok!
But as this went, i won´t be ok at all anymore with anyone of you...you (my "friends") just jumped on me with all this shit, i really didn´t deserve!
All i did was being too drunk to realize i am not funny, but being read as an harrassing asshole, which was never my intention at all!
That´s what you get when trying to be, what you aren´t, i guess...in my case: Funny!
The worst thing about all of this is: I don´t even think my joke i tried to make was funny at all! ;)
May the Scene rule on! Have fun everyone!
(I feel cancelled and will stay away! Just had to try to convince you all to rethink all of this, although i don´t see you managing this!) <- My Reality is different to yours...but i lived it, so it will forever stay true to me!
P.S.: People that jump on you on first occasion, without ever trying to talk with you about what happened, aren´t your "friends" aswell! :P
EOF (End Of Fuck)
P.S.2: I am super-unhappy about having lost my entire 2nd Family...just due to a misunderstanding, which all of this really is! I keep living in my real Reality and all of you may live in your strange version of some Reality!
P.S.3: Darya-Incident -> This is from our Discord-Conversations: (German! Bad Style, cant help myself otherwise, this here is really a bad move of myself, one of very very few in my life!)
darya — 01/17/2021
Virtuelle Umarmung incoming 🙂
hArDy./TRSI^G*P^Lemon. — 01/17/2021
Danke!
Nachdem ich, durch dich selbst erst, erfahren musste, wie böse ich dir mitgespielt hatte, dachte ich eigentlich mittlererweile: du hasst mich!
Ich mag dich, auch nach wie vor!
Also nicht falsch annehmen:
Virtuelle Umarmung zurück! ♥
Grüsse an kb, den mag ich nämlich auch sehr gerne!
darya — 01/17/2021
Jeder baut mal scheiße, kein Grund zum Hass - zwischen dir und zb **** ist ein Ozean an unterschied 🙂
hArDy./TRSI^G*P^Lemon. — 01/17/2021
you make me curious?!!
was hat denn **** böses mit dir angestellt?
den mag ich nämlcih auch sehr gerne?!!
darya — 01/17/2021
Haha, ja einer seiner feinsten Momente war, als der mich auf der letzten UNC gefragt hat, ob ich denn „KB-Frau“ sei und es meine erste demoparty wäre, dann hat der mir auch nicht geglaubt, dass ich seit Jahren Orga bin
Wenn’s Titten hat kann’s ja unmöglich kompetent sein 😉
Und dann mit der Begründung „Ich hab gesehen dass du gut aussiehst und musste ja wissen, ob es sich lohnt, mit dir zu reden“ (weil es sich ja nicht lohnt mit wem zu reden wenn die Frau schon vergeben hat -> wenn’s titten hat kann‘s ja keine interessante Persönlichkeit sein)
hArDy./TRSI^G*P^Lemon. — 01/17/2021
ich will mich, auch wenn nicht unbedingt nötig, nochmal bei dir entschuldigen auch: einen besoffenen hardy, mit schwerem mundgeruch + andere gerüche usw, nicht von sich loszubekommen, muss schon hardcore sein! Ich war halt schwerst dicht, keine entschulding, aber ohne alk hätte ich das niemals gemacht, also wohl doch ne entschuldigung für mein verhalten?!! tut mir leid, wollte dir aber sicher nix bäses, war nur unbewusst!
darya — 01/17/2021
Jau, du - längst verziehen. Du hast da so einsichtig drauf reagiert, dass ich da einfach seh dass du n guter bist 🙂
After that we had coding-talk...a lot...and i pinpointed her to how to learn Shader-Coding, etc.
Afterwards you maybe saw some Shader-Demos made by her, i heard of, but never seen myself, as Scene is dead to me since you all made me rethink about "friends" ! :(
But what i got here from her was "You are the worst person on the planet!", after/in this Post/Thread...while i thought this was all fine again already! :(
(As in initial post, and also in this post: I was used to women liking me, so flirting was still ok, while i took it way too far with her, just to check what her intentions were or weren´t!)
P.S.4:
To DocD:
You, like everyone else just jumped to conclusions from 0% to 200%:
You all assumed i was harrassing someone, because i were drunk...while i was doing my drunk-joking-troll-game!
Elko just KNEW i weren´t doing anything like that at all, so he went on making stupid jokes about my undeserved Ban (, with words and sights he wouldn´t defend when sober and not enraged!)
...which of course must have sounded completely ass to you, being an Orga yourself!
You then decided to leave TRSI all of a sudden and months later you finally got yourself some real reasons why you did so (in a haste of not even knowing whats driving you), when i posted this
"TrainWreck of a Tread" here and ppl were jumping on it with stupid accusations and helping-words-no1-needs "showing you" you were right!
We all are still sorry to have lost you, no matter what you wrote here! ;)
And if it really was about your Music/etc. not getting used in Productions: I told you before i need music in less than 1.3kb to be usable in a 4k...maybe 2-3kb in an 8kb...
and there are no other coders working on real Demos, needing mp3s...CONS is still waiting for more than 12 years by now for his music to be used! :/
Someone told me you wanted to leave because of that reason a year prior already...which never made sense to me, considering poor CONS and others like him in our Group waiting a lot longer already!
We never underestimated your efforts, we just never had an opportunity to use your stuff, sadly! :/ ♥
(Also i feel this new post won´t change anything at all, but i have to try atleast!)
When i said i am an addict, i meant it, but it´s absolutely not as in "i drink every day and i need help" or alike...it´s more like: i love to drink at parties...and i overdose most of the times, as i am not used to drink that much!
I am an Addict, as i am overdosing, IF i decide to drink! <- what i tried to say!
I only brought it up, because i wanted to show you all that i am sorry about being bad at making jokes, although i always try to be funny when drunk!
-> You all assumed i was trying to use it as an excuse for having harrassed someone...which i never did!
When i said i am not into Women i meant it just like that:
I really took a clear decision back when i was 23 to never again want to have any relationship with women anymore...
...i kept flirting (to make myself and the involved women feel good, as i was used to women liking me), but i would never have gone into a real relationship again if someone offered it to me!
That decision even meant no sex anymore, so not even a relationship just for sex is anything i am interested ever since! 20 years of no sex, i guess none of you all would be able to live the Monk like me! :P
I could have said i am Gay, and all of you would have had to rethink what you were thinking at that point of time, but as i am not gay, i didn´t do so, of course!
But think of it...i am like a gay, as i am not interested in women at all, just like male gays! :P
Now you know this: Does it even make ANY sense i would harrass a woman or even put a Rape-Threat ? NO? CORRECT! NONSENSE!
I still haven´t read the chatlog, as noone ever gave me access to it, although i asked so damn many times, so many of you!
(I am banned from the Discord-Server, remember? So i can´t just read it!)
There seem to have been some posts in this Thread with the chatlog, but whenever i checked here, these weren´t accessible anymore!
My "Friend" was a friend to me for more than 25 years, but by now he is banned from my life, as he threatened to kill me the last time i saw him, for absolutely no reason! I had to call the police to remove him
from my flat...even his wife is about to get divorced (after having moved from brazil to marry him and live with him here in Germany) for exactly the same reason! (I´ve been 100% sober when this happened, he not!)
He really ain´t my friend anymore! But it wasn´t really his fault i started to drink early that Revision...it was just my very own fault to start drinking! I could have said NO and this wouldn´t have changed anything i guess!
I was boozing like a madman over here, trying to compensate there being no real party with actual hugging etc, somehow! So my fault! He just started it early for me, so i´ve been in an even deeper bad condition, when
i tried to be funny!
Again: i only told you in my initial post to make clear to you, that i were in a bad "be funny"-condition, NOT to tell you i need help or sth!
I clearly remember i was about to make a joke and then got banned...i was a happy partying person at that point of time and i didn´t even get the reason i got banned when it happened...only the next day, after i
had slept i got overwhelmed with all these accusations of harrassment/rape-threat/etc., which at first i couldn´t believe at all, knowing who i am, until i remembered what kind of joke i tried to make!
I said i didnt get to resolute the Joke, as i got banned before i got to that...and that´s all that happened still, there was no real harrassment, just me being too drunk to realize how wrong all of it got received by anyone
else than me by then! For myself i was in the middle of making a joke...in hindsight i must have maybe enjoyed people trying to figure what i am up to...i were just delaying the "pointe" to make the joke better,
as i know i am bad at joking, but read about how to make jokes better! (for example by delaying the pointe!) -> I tried to say so in my initial post aswell, when i said i saw a spot to make a diff joke!
The real problem must be that i assumed all of you know me for that long, that you figured i am drunk and trying to be funny just once again!
Just as a sidenote here:
I got told i got a notice to stop by some organizer before i got banned...
Also i read here she said STOP multiple times...
Both of it must have scrolled by without me noticing, i have been trying to type, mostly trying to correct my drunk typing, and input my joke at that time!
(See my Live-Coding(-Videos), where i am trying to code, but most of the time i am just correcting typos!)
I said i read her saying STOP IT...but i just read it ONCE and then have been busy drunk-typing the pointe of the joke, not reading anything anyone wrote at that time at all !
I just took it as an opportunity to enhance the joke, as stated in my initial post! ;)
Anyone knowing me any better than all of you (, eventhough i thought you all were as much my friends as those people) knows about me being one of the kindest people they could be befriended with,
eventhough i may be a bit harsh at times, when drunk for example, but even then they know how to take it, just me trying to be funny or a funny badass for a few moments!
This said:
I am super-annoyed and very disappointed by the response i got here, especially from long-yeared-"friends"!
I didn´t try to appologize at all in this Thread, i was trying to show you what happened in Reality!
I appologized many times before already, first to herself via Facebook/Discord/etc., where i never got an Answer (which i understand by now, having realized how wrong you all, including her, got all of this!)
and then to everyone via Oneliner and this very Thread!
I didn´t appologize for any Harrassment ever, because there wasn´t any, it was always about a Joke that never happened, and i appologized just for that...my trying-to-be-funny-when-drunk...many times!
There was no Witch-Hunt!
But noone of you (the people i thought would be my friends for many years) ever tried to talk to me about this matter at all!
All i got was Accusations and "Get Help"-Advices!
The only thing i need help for is getting better at joking and typing, also realizing Text doesn´t transport fun maybe...
...although this seems to be my fault, as if i would have been sober, i wouldn´t have even tried to make such a joke in a chat!
On a real party i would have made the pointe right after she said "stop it" and everything would still be ok!
But as this went, i won´t be ok at all anymore with anyone of you...you (my "friends") just jumped on me with all this shit, i really didn´t deserve!
All i did was being too drunk to realize i am not funny, but being read as an harrassing asshole, which was never my intention at all!
That´s what you get when trying to be, what you aren´t, i guess...in my case: Funny!
The worst thing about all of this is: I don´t even think my joke i tried to make was funny at all! ;)
May the Scene rule on! Have fun everyone!
(I feel cancelled and will stay away! Just had to try to convince you all to rethink all of this, although i don´t see you managing this!) <- My Reality is different to yours...but i lived it, so it will forever stay true to me!
P.S.: People that jump on you on first occasion, without ever trying to talk with you about what happened, aren´t your "friends" aswell! :P
EOF (End Of Fuck)
P.S.2: I am super-unhappy about having lost my entire 2nd Family...just due to a misunderstanding, which all of this really is! I keep living in my real Reality and all of you may live in your strange version of some Reality!
P.S.3: Darya-Incident -> This is from our Discord-Conversations: (German! Bad Style, cant help myself otherwise, this here is really a bad move of myself, one of very very few in my life!)
darya — 01/17/2021
Virtuelle Umarmung incoming 🙂
hArDy./TRSI^G*P^Lemon. — 01/17/2021
Danke!
Nachdem ich, durch dich selbst erst, erfahren musste, wie böse ich dir mitgespielt hatte, dachte ich eigentlich mittlererweile: du hasst mich!
Ich mag dich, auch nach wie vor!
Also nicht falsch annehmen:
Virtuelle Umarmung zurück! ♥
Grüsse an kb, den mag ich nämlich auch sehr gerne!
darya — 01/17/2021
Jeder baut mal scheiße, kein Grund zum Hass - zwischen dir und zb **** ist ein Ozean an unterschied 🙂
hArDy./TRSI^G*P^Lemon. — 01/17/2021
you make me curious?!!
was hat denn **** böses mit dir angestellt?
den mag ich nämlcih auch sehr gerne?!!
darya — 01/17/2021
Haha, ja einer seiner feinsten Momente war, als der mich auf der letzten UNC gefragt hat, ob ich denn „KB-Frau“ sei und es meine erste demoparty wäre, dann hat der mir auch nicht geglaubt, dass ich seit Jahren Orga bin
Wenn’s Titten hat kann’s ja unmöglich kompetent sein 😉
Und dann mit der Begründung „Ich hab gesehen dass du gut aussiehst und musste ja wissen, ob es sich lohnt, mit dir zu reden“ (weil es sich ja nicht lohnt mit wem zu reden wenn die Frau schon vergeben hat -> wenn’s titten hat kann‘s ja keine interessante Persönlichkeit sein)
hArDy./TRSI^G*P^Lemon. — 01/17/2021
ich will mich, auch wenn nicht unbedingt nötig, nochmal bei dir entschuldigen auch: einen besoffenen hardy, mit schwerem mundgeruch + andere gerüche usw, nicht von sich loszubekommen, muss schon hardcore sein! Ich war halt schwerst dicht, keine entschulding, aber ohne alk hätte ich das niemals gemacht, also wohl doch ne entschuldigung für mein verhalten?!! tut mir leid, wollte dir aber sicher nix bäses, war nur unbewusst!
darya — 01/17/2021
Jau, du - längst verziehen. Du hast da so einsichtig drauf reagiert, dass ich da einfach seh dass du n guter bist 🙂
After that we had coding-talk...a lot...and i pinpointed her to how to learn Shader-Coding, etc.
Afterwards you maybe saw some Shader-Demos made by her, i heard of, but never seen myself, as Scene is dead to me since you all made me rethink about "friends" ! :(
But what i got here from her was "You are the worst person on the planet!", after/in this Post/Thread...while i thought this was all fine again already! :(
(As in initial post, and also in this post: I was used to women liking me, so flirting was still ok, while i took it way too far with her, just to check what her intentions were or weren´t!)
P.S.4:
To DocD:
You, like everyone else just jumped to conclusions from 0% to 200%:
You all assumed i was harrassing someone, because i were drunk...while i was doing my drunk-joking-troll-game!
Elko just KNEW i weren´t doing anything like that at all, so he went on making stupid jokes about my undeserved Ban (, with words and sights he wouldn´t defend when sober and not enraged!)
...which of course must have sounded completely ass to you, being an Orga yourself!
You then decided to leave TRSI all of a sudden and months later you finally got yourself some real reasons why you did so (in a haste of not even knowing whats driving you), when i posted this
"TrainWreck of a Tread" here and ppl were jumping on it with stupid accusations and helping-words-no1-needs "showing you" you were right!
We all are still sorry to have lost you, no matter what you wrote here! ;)
And if it really was about your Music/etc. not getting used in Productions: I told you before i need music in less than 1.3kb to be usable in a 4k...maybe 2-3kb in an 8kb...
and there are no other coders working on real Demos, needing mp3s...CONS is still waiting for more than 12 years by now for his music to be used! :/
Someone told me you wanted to leave because of that reason a year prior already...which never made sense to me, considering poor CONS and others like him in our Group waiting a lot longer already!
We never underestimated your efforts, we just never had an opportunity to use your stuff, sadly! :/ ♥
am i overlooking something or did you indeed not change your point of view on any of the topics at hand at all since the opening post of this thread?
YES!
(you were thinking wrong, get over it already!)
All the "topix at hand" were handled wrongly by all of you!
I repeated to show you how you all had driven yourselves into the wrongs!
FULL STOP!
all said! :P
(you were thinking wrong, get over it already!)
All the "topix at hand" were handled wrongly by all of you!
I repeated to show you how you all had driven yourselves into the wrongs!
FULL STOP!
all said! :P
How to say “I really don’t want to be in the Discord server for Revision” without saying “I really don’t want to be in the Discord server for Revision.”
Your post here makes no sense and shows a shifted perception.
Your funny jokes were actually criminally relevant attacks against a woman who was almost unknown to you.
The reason I left is that my music wasn't used?
I beg you... I create streamed music that you can't use anyway.
Ridiculous...
I left TRSI because after your insults, the TRSI internal chat became even more disgusting. There they spoke of women who were to blame themselves, after all they would shake their ass and shouldn't be surprised if someone tried to bite into the juicy piece of meat. And you were celebrated. Pure rapeculture / incel talk.
Playing you dumb now is poor.
You´ve been present in the chat.
I also showed you that chat logs there.
And again: don't play dumb.
In addition, as usual and obvious totally normal, more homophobic, sexistic and misanthropic slogans were tapped again. Just as it belongs to the good manners of the anti-social TRSI core.
And ultimately the decisive factor in leaving this group was, what always happens in TRSI when such incidents happen: The group keeps silent about such topics.
there are no consequences, no address, no "power word" and the group never apologizes for the misconduct of one or more members.
None of the other members dare to say anything against it, i dont know if they all just have fun with this anti-social image. Anyhoo: This is far more than just a bystander effect.
It is acceptance.
Don't get me wrong, I was in the group for almost 20 years. I've often acted like a complete asshole myself. But there comes a point when you have to realize that you're just not funny but a disgusting old bastard who behaves disgustingly.
And then you have to ask yourself whether you want to be perceived that way by your second family.
not me.
I don't know what you were trying to achieve with your last post.
In any case, an apology looks different.
In the revision orga, we had actually decided to change the permbans to zero tolerance for the duration of this year's revision and to let you back in.
I think we'll leave it at that.
Your funny jokes were actually criminally relevant attacks against a woman who was almost unknown to you.
The reason I left is that my music wasn't used?
I beg you... I create streamed music that you can't use anyway.
Ridiculous...
I left TRSI because after your insults, the TRSI internal chat became even more disgusting. There they spoke of women who were to blame themselves, after all they would shake their ass and shouldn't be surprised if someone tried to bite into the juicy piece of meat. And you were celebrated. Pure rapeculture / incel talk.
Playing you dumb now is poor.
You´ve been present in the chat.
I also showed you that chat logs there.
And again: don't play dumb.
In addition, as usual and obvious totally normal, more homophobic, sexistic and misanthropic slogans were tapped again. Just as it belongs to the good manners of the anti-social TRSI core.
And ultimately the decisive factor in leaving this group was, what always happens in TRSI when such incidents happen: The group keeps silent about such topics.
there are no consequences, no address, no "power word" and the group never apologizes for the misconduct of one or more members.
None of the other members dare to say anything against it, i dont know if they all just have fun with this anti-social image. Anyhoo: This is far more than just a bystander effect.
It is acceptance.
Don't get me wrong, I was in the group for almost 20 years. I've often acted like a complete asshole myself. But there comes a point when you have to realize that you're just not funny but a disgusting old bastard who behaves disgustingly.
And then you have to ask yourself whether you want to be perceived that way by your second family.
not me.
I don't know what you were trying to achieve with your last post.
In any case, an apology looks different.
In the revision orga, we had actually decided to change the permbans to zero tolerance for the duration of this year's revision and to let you back in.
I think we'll leave it at that.
Quote:
realize that you're just not funny but a disgusting old bastard who behaves disgustingly.
Got that by now! NOT!
Also got to a realization, that the only thing i can do to make it better is to say sorry for it all!
SORRY!
(I dont feel it, as it ain´t about the truth, but here you´ve got it! I said it!)
Making me say sorry for something i never did (just you all think i did!) makes it no better at all!
I am still non-interfered by all your nonsense!
I won´t try to be funny again, because "trying to be fun" is interchangeable with "getting into trouble" to me by now!
So look out for me interfering your lives at Evoke, because i will be there and i will not be doing what you think i would (harassing women!), but having fun, as always!
Because my life continues as was, it´s all about having fun! (and not about your wild wrong views of who i am, including being some sort of a rapist!)
If you see me at Evoke, wanting to tell me what a bad person i am, please refrain!
If you can´t refrain, please take into account, that even a person considering itself as a pacifist for 44 years could, at some point of "too much nonsense", turn into a fist-throwing-asshole!
Just leave me alone, leave me stay what i am and always have been, a pacifist, a woman-loving/respecting person, just me! :P (You don´t know me at all!)
All of this thread and what lead to it is just pure nonsense!
Get that straight into your head and stop being an asshole!
You fukked my (before splendid life) enough with all this bullshit!
Fun EQUALS Bad ? Fukk that! :P
FUN, They're trying to cancel it! /s
