pouët.net

It was a lot of persuasion to write this but let it go. I haven't been here for a long time, but something tells me I need to write some of my thoughts. Is it normal that my (social) anxiety even doesn't allow me to dare to write here? It's saying things like 'You don't belong there', 'They never really paid attention even to talk with you' and 'It's senseless to be here (means on the scene) and to push effort to do things' ;_;

I'm no doctor, but I don't think that's normal. Perhaps you should see someone to talk about it, if these things hinder you.

I assume that people typically recognize only a small amount of other people writing here (because the Scene is a relatively large and relatively divided in many senses). So people here don't really care if they know you or not, they usually simply react to the actual written content. Maybe keeping this in mind alleviates some pressures...

above all you should do what you think is (emotionally) right for you and care a little bit less about looking for a place in the herd. If you focus on the positives and if that continuously keeps you engaged in demoscene activities, that place in the herd will find its way by itself.

that'll be 50 dollars for this quick consult, i accept paypal or bottles of beer.

Waaat? No, that's not normal at all. You're a demoscene legend (in my book at least, I'm sure plenty others will agree though), and you absolutely belong here. I don't think any reasonable argument can be made otherwise. Now, whether it makes any sense, that's another question :D

Either way, sounds like you're going through some really rough times. I agree with spkr, might be a good idea to see someone to talk about it. If that's too much then you're also very welcome to drop me a mail.

No one here is "normal". Many sceners struggle with anxiety and/or other issues.
You are very welcome here.

...dont forget you owe maali a beer.

anxiety can be very hard to deal with :(
i for one don't see why you would not belong here. you've done plenty of cool scene contributions throughout the years and your opinion on different topics and prods is as valid as anyone else's.

there is no "normal". you'd be surprised what you'll find when you start digging around seemingly regular people's psyches.

what we do is out of the ordinary to begin with.

when you come to think about it, everything is "senseless" and we are but a mere "blip" in the grand scale of the universe.

don't paint yourself in a corner, we love you the way you are. embrace the darkness and be awesome !

and listen to this

Various psychological ailments is not uncommon among sceners I have heard. I have some experience with similar problems, just not related to writing here. What worked for me is a combination of professional help and medication and that I realized that I have to work on it by taking many small steps into the area that feels scary.

First of all, congratulations of having the strength and courage to share your thoughts here. And I mean that.

Secon, I am not a doctor, neither... But some of my thoughts are here below.

You know, I had some similar thoughts a couple of years ago.
"What is it for?",
"Scene (what scene) is not as nice as I thought",
"These dudes are not serious...",

But I was wrong (and still here ;).
Pouet is, in my opinion, some sort of "BBS forum". It is nice to bump into some dudes here, write something, not taking some criticism too direct ;)

Sure, there is a lot of fun and irony in many answers, but all dudes here are as much human as you are. Some less, some more sensible. Some in better, some in less positive attitude.
You know as we know all - human is a social being. We need, even if we do not think so (or do want to hide it) a social, close contact. And to have such a contact one must take a risk to open, to talk =). It is normal. But that risk is worth it =). I think.

You have talents. Please share it with people here. It is nice to share, do not you think?

I hope this help =).

as someone with social anxiety: it is kind of "normal" to feel that way. Anxiety is a bitch. But those feelings aren't necessarily *true*. It's your brain lying to you. You're wonderful, and you should post if you want to.