pouët.net

Please let's get serious for a moment.
I believe that this is a good place to let everyone know about it since she has an interest in demoscene and quite recently became a demoscener (Blowfish by Planet Earth is her debut as a pixeller). Also, I have found people supporting me on this site, which means a lot to me.

But now let's get into the main thing.
ZanaGB is being abused all the time by her mother. Also, she's over 18 and well... You might ask why she doesn't get a job? She had one. And her mother actually took it away from her. Basically, her mother made it so she has to rely on her, basically meaning that she's pretty much trapped. She's attending a school, but she can't study because of all the abusing going on at her home. She's a very talented artist and a very kind and nice person (especially so when considering the hostile environment she's in).

Here's a link to her blog entries that are about her being abused:
http://zanagb.tumblr.com/tagged/AbuseJournal

Now... All I'm asking for is to help her. She's a very dear person to me and it breaks my heart to see her suffer like that while being unable to do anything. I'm being desperate to help her out in the situation, and spreading the word seems to be the only choice I really have, so here's hope that it does something.

Please take action or at least say something that could help. It's very important to me.

Again, here's her abuse journal:
http://zanagb.tumblr.com/tagged/AbuseJournal
Also, she can be reached on Skype as CaptainZana if you want to contact her (Should be visible on her Pouet profile).

Thank you for your attention.

That does sound rough but... what exactly CAN we do?

Well, I was thinking about legal advice. I am no expert on that matter, but I wonder how would such proof hold up and what would happen.

nothing, life is a meaningless mess of such stuff

I think despite the description there's very little information available so far, which makes it kinda hard to say anything. :/

What is "abuse" stand for here? Is it verbal / physical / sexual? How long has it been going on? Were there instances where this abuse was prevalent and obvious towards outsiders? Were there ever authorities or health services involved? The Tumblr itself is (I guess deliberately) vague and doesn't help either.

I apologize if I sound cynical, but it's really hard to say anything constructive apart from nondescript pablum, without knowing what really is going on.

Ask a professional for help, apply for social welfare and get out of there.
Afterwards she can rebuild here life.

The most important thing is to realise that although this is new for her/you, there are people working to solve situations like this as a job, so turn to them. Locate a local abuse center, spot a social worker or ask the municipality. If all else fails, tell this story at a local hospital and they are bound to show you the ropes. Good luck!

Hm. I guess i should probably do my fair bunch of explaining.


--- I honestly do not know if there can be done anything. Well something might be done. but yeah. So far i am collecting everything i can and keeping a log. both to keep things in a permanent record. and to collect proof i could use in the future.


--- Most of the textual proof i am writting down would likely have zero value on court. However i am trying to add audio recordings into the log entries whenever i can as those could actually be proper proof that could be shwon to the authorities.



--- Well. Originally this blog and these entries were meant to be, literally, a journal i kept of all of her verbal and psycological abuse, that i could keep in mind wherever she tried to gaslight me. something she loves to do.

She has probably been doing all sorts of psycological abuse ever since i was ten or so ( I am 20 currently ). Not sure if it had to do with me starting secondary education or with the fact i revealed to her i was transexual. It is probably both or neither, as well. as god knows what is going on on her head.

Regarding it being vague. most of the entries are written as the events are happening. If you are meaning that names, places and other details are missing. they are kind of... not irrelevant. but, it is something you are not going to get to think while you are recolecting yourself during one of the many anxiety attacks she induces me during the course of a regular day. And if i were to give this to the local authorities, or they'd accept it, given i do live with her. It would not be extremely hard to track her down. I am still not understanding what do you mean with "vague". However. it is something i should take into account for the future. Also. there are certain elements i need to not show because certain people, besides her, that have an interest on hurting me, do stalk most of my stuff and have eventually found me after moving out addressses, aliases and stuff.

I do not think you sound cynical. It would be understandable that if someone you do not know presents you with a bunch of things that their family does to them you'd most likely not believe them at first and question them. It's not like this has not happened before.



--- I did go and spend a few weeks talking to social services about the matter. They considered my case "unconclusive" because psycological harm is hard to prove, and due my condition i am on a weird limbo that noone really wants to get involved with. This is also the reason why i started taking notes.

Even though i could go and tell the authorities after a few months of collecting proof. I'd most likely end up in nowhere. The fact that i've not achieved higher education. I have no job (making it impossible for me to go and rent a room or something), and no extended family that could help. Would mean that once i end up showing this. if soemmthing happened to her. i'd end up being thrown out of here. And if it did not. the fact that i defied her would end with the same result.

At this point of the night my writting skills are kind of.... iffy. But i hope i got my point accross.

I guess i could carify anything else that seems to have been left unresolved? i do guess it'd be apropiate to make things clear.

or maybe your mother is stuck to christian values and your quest into transgender stuff isn't exactly her cup of tea? judging that you're spanish i make these assumptions, so, don't be to harsh on her, you're not exactly mainstream material :)

I am not being harsh on her, she's the one being harsh with me. and that's an understatement, And even though i were harsh to her I would not be harsh on her if it was just a mere fact of "lack of adaptation" But this is outright constant, daily emotional abuse. Also. she goes of "Miss Liberal and Understanding" at GIDU. So yeah. pretty hypocrite moves on her part.

And yeah. she was raised on pretty strict ( and from what i've heard from her, also abusive ) religious ways. That still does not excuse her to mindlessly hate herdaughter and wanting to control every aspect of her life and then blame on her for that

I cannot offer any hands-on help but your best bet will always be moving out. To that end, you need either a job or education; if you're 20 you are probably eligible for some sort of welfare or unemployment benefit. Read up on it and see what your options are, look around and see if there are affordable rents available, if only just for a few months to get the toxin out of your mind, because you'll need to be able to focus to take your next steps.

Do you fight back the abuse? How is your reaction towards your mother if she attacks you?

i may sound rude or naive but why not just leave that fckn place for good? apparently you have access to the internet so go look for a job and/or place to crash for some time in whatever distance you feel safe and be gone with it.
of course thats way easier said than done and im aware of that but it sounds like you would be far better off than staying or trying to get legal help to sue your mom while you still live with her. does she lock you in or something?

Escape and move to another city. You need to live on your own and show your family that you can survive without their help.

Concentrate your energies to achieve this goal within a month.

Good luck and encouragement.

What wysiwtf said. Try couchsurfing with friends or relatives or something like that in the short term. Hanging around looking for a way to emancipate yourself doesn't sound like it's very healthy for you.
At 20 you are no longer legally a ward of your parents any longer so unless she is physically preventing you from leaving (in which case gather evidence of it and involve the police immediately) there is no way she can stop you from leaving the house.
From what you've said here and on tumblr staying (even if it is to try and set yourself up) just shouldn't be an option. I do realise it's very easy to type advice whilst looking in from the outside so the best advice I can give is to GTFO ASAP. Aside from that once you are setup and working, put about 10% of your income into a bank account only you know about and have access to - it's amazing how much you appreciate such a thing if you find yourself in a situation where you have to bail in a hurry!

so the initial question was, how can we help a fellow demoscener.
in 36 years i learned (the hard way, many times) that in order to truly help someone, the person in question first needs to want to help him or her self.
i just read this thread and it seems to be apparent that the strategy is not so much to help yourself but rather to punish another person, hoping it will change their worldview or at least mute them.
the last may be achievable, i don't know, but i fail to see in any case how this is going to quickly lead to a truly stable and happy home situation in which you can work to achieve your life goals and dreams and whatnot.
the best you seem to hope for is a stalemate, that's like accepting defeat before it even happened.
ringo is right, for once in his life. GTFO. find a way to make it happen. if you don't do that, you are not really leaving anyone much options to help you, least of all yourself.

word.
(aka, what havoc said)

Feeling the love from Rowley Birkin.

I am unable to understand in what way what your mother is doing to you is to be classified as "abuse". When I hear that word, I primarily think of sexual abuse. Does she abuse you sexually? I have not read about that in your AbuseJournal.

If she calls you names, if she is dissatisfied with your lifestyle, with your performance at school etc., that isn't abuse, but perfectly normal. There are hardly any young people who don't make this experience with their parents.

It's a sad situation. And I hate to be the guy, but..

I read a couple of the oldest posts in the blog trying to find what triggered this whole "I'm being abused" reaction, and I kinda get the picture of what's going on. I suppose it could be called "abuse", but not in a "call 911" sense.

You're comfortable where you are, apart from the nagging you're getting. That's perfectly normal, and I can see how things have slowly gone that way. Fixing the situation is possible, but it'll get worse before it gets better, since you have to exit your comfort zone.

Step 1: Stop taking their money. Food and shelter, fine. Find other ways to fund your lifestyle. You have talent, so if you can find an art job, great. Otherwise, flip some burgers if you can find a vacancy. You're still young, so finding odd jobs is still easy; it'll only get harder here on out.

Step 2: Discuss with your parents that you want to move out. Find out whether they can help you with this in any way. This may be what they're after, but don't have the heart to just throw you out.

Step 3: Move out. Live your own life.

Get out ASAP, stay with friends, get a job, build your own life. The circle of abuse in my life ended when I went totally no-communication with the abusive people. There's no reason to keep people that cause constant negative emotions around you.

Also Adok,

"If she calls you names, if she is dissatisfied with your lifestyle, with your performance at school etc., that isn't abuse, but perfectly normal. There are hardly any young people who don't make this experience with their parents."

While you are technically right, there's nothing "normal" about it in the sense that one should just bear and take it.

@zanagb (fucking hell this site needs a PM system, because I shouldn't have to post this for everyone - and no irc isn't it!) - unless Tomoalien had your permission to post originally then you must have felt pretty mortified. If so good onya for posting a bit more background.
Either way it must be kinda hard having strangers discussing your circumstances and offering glib advice.

As a parent I can tell you a couple of things. Your mum isn't going to change her views on transgenderism. If she's religious and content in her beliefs then parent or not she's never going to sway. she may eventually mellow her views but in the short-term - it ain't likely to happen. I was bisexual for many years before I met my wife and we had a child. My mother always said it was a "phase I was going thru". Maybe it was. But in the mean time I never let her right-wing, entitled babyboomer attitude affect me or my lifestyle.

On top of that is clearly a dynamic where your parents are "controlling" you financially. Whether you clean toilets or write code to make a living you need to find something that breaks that situation. Work at MickeyD's, mop floors, whatever. If you're really focused on 1 job turn up at that place looking neat and tidy and well dressed ask for a couple of weeks of work experience. Trust me the keen ones are usually the one's that get the job.

Either way at 20 you're still young and have that and (hopefully) passion and enthusiasm in your favor. Use it to your advantage.
I'm sorry I had to write such a personal post for everyone to see. I hope it helps you in some way.

Bet his dad was standing over him making him type that.

This.

I woudl say sacrifice as much as possible to get towards a situation were you are surrounded by positive emotions instead of having a home situation that is dragging everyone down.

If teh authorities didn't help: try a second opinion or a different entrance. There are thousands of people standing by for abuse cases, maybe you just got the wrong one/wrong department. Be prepared to tell the same story about 20 times before something gets actually done, for what I understood you just tried it once. It is annoying, it is painstakingly slow but it will work if you run into the correct person withe the right funtionprofile. And they will help.

I left home when I was 16 due to verbal and psychological abuse from my mother. Lived aged 16-18 with my grandparents, then moved to my own apartment a month after I turned 18. Never looked back. Haven't really talked with my mother since 1999, and I think it's better to keep it this way.