Still fucked up
category: offtopic [glöplog]
Purely depressive or just in constant trouble? Sometimes I think I just can't handle life. Should I live my life as an atheist, questioning politics, the society, people's behaviours or simply flow through this shit river, conformed, to live a good life? Maybe even having 24 years old, I couldn't left my teenage existencialism behind. I cannot accept death, I cannot accept living. I feel a deep sadness seeing my family getting old... and lose them just like I lose all the good things I had. I thought that a romance would save me, but it ruins me even more. I've tried so many things to get rid of these constant feelings. I've tried to study science in dispair to try to get a glimpse of what death could be... or to simply get a greater portrait. I cannot accept the life condition as it is. I'm talking about the reason of why we live. I'm talking about borning, clinging to life and then everything just ends. If this is simply a cold mechanical system and we are the result of its laws... just by chance... I think it's just cruel. Sorry about this kind of topic again. But I think that I need help, somehow... How do I accept death... or life?
You kind of have to make peace with both, as facts of existence. Are there a dissonance between the goals you feel you should have (peer pressure from family, society, friends) and what you actually want to do?
I have spoken to many people about these kinds of issues. And always it appears to me, that when people get all spacey and start to get depressed over the larger image, the grand scale, it is often because there is something rather simple in their own life, that they have the power to change, but fear the consequences of doing so. So it is easier to shoot at the largest target there is, because you will hit something that rubs you the wrong way by doing so eventually.
I have no doubt that you feel trashed, but for now I dont buy your reasons.
I have spoken to many people about these kinds of issues. And always it appears to me, that when people get all spacey and start to get depressed over the larger image, the grand scale, it is often because there is something rather simple in their own life, that they have the power to change, but fear the consequences of doing so. So it is easier to shoot at the largest target there is, because you will hit something that rubs you the wrong way by doing so eventually.
I have no doubt that you feel trashed, but for now I dont buy your reasons.
If you feel that you need help you might contact some doc to talk to if you think you can't handle it anymore by yourself. But there must be the will to get help otherwise there is useless to try.
When I look back on my age of 24 I also thought about that stuff. But with the years (family members and a very close friend passed away) I realised that I will die too and that can be faster than I think. You got this one life (even reincarnation into a human body will make you to a new child without the knowledge of your past life so ...) Depressive periods became less in all those years thanks to a new job, a new town, new people and realizing that I don't need to give a fuck about what others think (most of the time I succeed but then I fail). Sometimes I think I got stuck somewhere in my early 20s :D who cares! What I just wanted to say: You stand in front of many paths and you will get new influences on your way that might make things clear or even acceptable. But one thing is for sure imho: You can't accept death. There will always be the question why. And you can't accept life without first accepting yourself (even if I don't know you; maybe you are in some therapy I don't know).
Well, and if I made a fool out of myself here by writing that stuff above: I really don't care. Get some professional help if you think you need it. And stay stong.
When I look back on my age of 24 I also thought about that stuff. But with the years (family members and a very close friend passed away) I realised that I will die too and that can be faster than I think. You got this one life (even reincarnation into a human body will make you to a new child without the knowledge of your past life so ...) Depressive periods became less in all those years thanks to a new job, a new town, new people and realizing that I don't need to give a fuck about what others think (most of the time I succeed but then I fail). Sometimes I think I got stuck somewhere in my early 20s :D who cares! What I just wanted to say: You stand in front of many paths and you will get new influences on your way that might make things clear or even acceptable. But one thing is for sure imho: You can't accept death. There will always be the question why. And you can't accept life without first accepting yourself (even if I don't know you; maybe you are in some therapy I don't know).
Well, and if I made a fool out of myself here by writing that stuff above: I really don't care. Get some professional help if you think you need it. And stay stong.
Quote:
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Cruelty depends a lot on your perspective, is a butcher cruel or a vegetarian?
Is it cruel or infinitely wonderful?
Sensenstahl - try reducing your projected mental age by at least half, it works a treat ;)
Is it cruel or infinitely wonderful?
Sensenstahl - try reducing your projected mental age by at least half, it works a treat ;)
FunGas: Thanks for that hint :D Sometimes I feel like an 80yrs old fart when the bones hurt from my job so I guess this restores some kind of balance ^^
shit happens.
Still fucked up
But on a more serious note: Things break and people die. There is nothing you can do about this. You and your family will all get older and eventually die of old age. Henrik José said it well: We Will Die of Age.
What is there to be depressed about? It is just nature, and nature is always cruel. You can't run from old age, so the only thing there is, is to embrace it. That might take some time but I'm afraid you don't have any other options.
Accepting life doesn't start with romance, wealth or any other big achievements. You can only accept life if you accept death, afterwards the rest flows naturally according to the order of things. To accept death means to accept defeat in a certain way: to acknowledge that life is just temporal.
But on a more serious note: Things break and people die. There is nothing you can do about this. You and your family will all get older and eventually die of old age. Henrik José said it well: We Will Die of Age.
What is there to be depressed about? It is just nature, and nature is always cruel. You can't run from old age, so the only thing there is, is to embrace it. That might take some time but I'm afraid you don't have any other options.
Accepting life doesn't start with romance, wealth or any other big achievements. You can only accept life if you accept death, afterwards the rest flows naturally according to the order of things. To accept death means to accept defeat in a certain way: to acknowledge that life is just temporal.
Depression is a known mental disease. Sounds harsh, but on the other hand it implies that there are doctors that know about that stuff, and there's also medication against it. Yes, there are pills that "magically" wash away those emotional outbursts that lead you to a depressive and/or suicidal state, while keeping you mentally fit. It's no "bla bla": go and take advice from a doctor!
Depression is a standard feature of the era that is just ending. Join the new bandwagon and be happy!
Oh and yes, there are pills. Ask the doctor for "XTC"! :)
1. Death is a boring thing. Life is much better.
2. More reason and less sadness.
3. There are a lot of things to learn. The universe is big and wonderful.
4. You are a machine made of millions of complex machines called cells.
5. What you see is a representation created by your brain.
6. What you feel is a representation.
7. What an insect see and feel is also a representation.
8. The universe does not care a bag of beans about the Earth's primates or insects.
9. Life is full of possibilities.
10. If you don't like this decalogue, write another.
2. More reason and less sadness.
3. There are a lot of things to learn. The universe is big and wonderful.
4. You are a machine made of millions of complex machines called cells.
5. What you see is a representation created by your brain.
6. What you feel is a representation.
7. What an insect see and feel is also a representation.
8. The universe does not care a bag of beans about the Earth's primates or insects.
9. Life is full of possibilities.
10. If you don't like this decalogue, write another.
And also... listen carefully.
First of all, I don't think that doctors and medication are the way for a seemingly healthy young man. Getting out of depression doesn't come from pills, it comes from doing things differently. When I was have a really bad shitty time where everything felt pointless, I didn't go to a doctor, I decided to look for a band. Got me moving on :)
So, anyway.
Funny that a Brazilian should say these things :) :) :) Nah just kidding, I understand where you come from to some degree. We're the same age and have the same background as computer-oriented guys in our upbringing (I think).
I really fucking hate writing posts like these, and have a relative low confidence on that exact point of my abilities, simply because of how much bad advice I have had myself over the years. But I'll try for you :)
While here, in Brazil, I've started to either learn or explore the following points a lot more:
And, lesser but good points (maybe save them for later times):
Lastly, and most importantly, I think you should embrace the fact that you are naturally bound by your human organism to not be able to change completely overnight. The way you are going to think and feel isn't going to change super fast unless fundamental things change in your life. You are brave for talking about your problems openly like this.
I think that you should sit down on your ass and watch the Woody Allen movie "Whatever Works", for easy kicks :)
So, anyway.
Funny that a Brazilian should say these things :) :) :) Nah just kidding, I understand where you come from to some degree. We're the same age and have the same background as computer-oriented guys in our upbringing (I think).
I really fucking hate writing posts like these, and have a relative low confidence on that exact point of my abilities, simply because of how much bad advice I have had myself over the years. But I'll try for you :)
While here, in Brazil, I've started to either learn or explore the following points a lot more:
- Learn how fucking amazing that the body can feel. Do sports. Indulge into dance. Lift weights. Sleep well, eat well, have sex.
- Travel if you need to.
- Initially you cannot change the way which you feel about anything, but your ALWAYS have choices to indulge into something or to distance yourself from it. Keep indulging into that which makes you happy until it doesn't any more, try to learn from it, and move on.
And, lesser but good points (maybe save them for later times):
- You don't have to be friends with, or like, anyone.
- Surround yourself with people that inspire you, if you can. Then when they don't anymore, you don't owe them anything.
- Culture is just culture.
Lastly, and most importantly, I think you should embrace the fact that you are naturally bound by your human organism to not be able to change completely overnight. The way you are going to think and feel isn't going to change super fast unless fundamental things change in your life. You are brave for talking about your problems openly like this.
I think that you should sit down on your ass and watch the Woody Allen movie "Whatever Works", for easy kicks :)
totally agree with Lord Graga, only have to say, that yoga works for me better, than weights lifting.
I just needed to stop and re-think my life and, at these moments, these kind of thoughs are inevitable for me. I hope to be OK in few days.
eebliss: It's not about pressure. In fact, I try to live ignoring and breaking the values of the society every single day. Because I believe that it would bring me happiness someshow. I do have some personal problems happening right now. But it's not like I'm trying to create more problems. There really are these constant thoughts and they get worst in moments like these.
sensenstahl : Thanks for saying a little bit about your experiences, it was really valuable.
Maali: Indeed. I need to internalize this :P
numtek: "To accept death means to accept defeat in a certain way: to acknowledge that life is just temporal." It was really powerful. Thanks!
psenough: :z lol mkay
xTr1m: Already gone to some docs some years ago. And I convincingly don't think it's the best way :P I guess it's more psychological (and conscious) than pathological. I mean I need to find a way to feel better.
vibrator: hahahaha :P
ham: This one is nice. :) Thanks.
Lord Graga: lol I'm really happy to see your reply. Thanks for the words.
"Learn how fucking amazing that the body can feel. Do sports. Indulge into dance. Lift weights. Sleep well, eat well, have sex."
I will put it into pratice. :) In fact, I am not sleeping well nor eating well. And I know how it affects someone. But there's something else happening. Just realized that a wasted 7 years of my life away by living a fucking lie. In fact, this is the 'cause for I'm not being that fine. I'm still trying to discover something to push me on.
Sorry if I'm being too much analytic and it's sounding like I'm faking. I don't want to invalidate what you guys said. Sometimes I thing that I can't solve personal problems all by myself and I need to talk with someone, even if they are anonymous/unknown. Thanks for your support.
eebliss: It's not about pressure. In fact, I try to live ignoring and breaking the values of the society every single day. Because I believe that it would bring me happiness someshow. I do have some personal problems happening right now. But it's not like I'm trying to create more problems. There really are these constant thoughts and they get worst in moments like these.
sensenstahl : Thanks for saying a little bit about your experiences, it was really valuable.
Maali: Indeed. I need to internalize this :P
numtek: "To accept death means to accept defeat in a certain way: to acknowledge that life is just temporal." It was really powerful. Thanks!
psenough: :z lol mkay
xTr1m: Already gone to some docs some years ago. And I convincingly don't think it's the best way :P I guess it's more psychological (and conscious) than pathological. I mean I need to find a way to feel better.
vibrator: hahahaha :P
ham: This one is nice. :) Thanks.
Lord Graga: lol I'm really happy to see your reply. Thanks for the words.
"Learn how fucking amazing that the body can feel. Do sports. Indulge into dance. Lift weights. Sleep well, eat well, have sex."
I will put it into pratice. :) In fact, I am not sleeping well nor eating well. And I know how it affects someone. But there's something else happening. Just realized that a wasted 7 years of my life away by living a fucking lie. In fact, this is the 'cause for I'm not being that fine. I'm still trying to discover something to push me on.
Sorry if I'm being too much analytic and it's sounding like I'm faking. I don't want to invalidate what you guys said. Sometimes I thing that I can't solve personal problems all by myself and I need to talk with someone, even if they are anonymous/unknown. Thanks for your support.
More than 1 hour typing it :P hahaha
elfh: I can't feel like doing yoga :/ But thanks for the tip. :)
elfh: I can't feel like doing yoga :/ But thanks for the tip. :)
I can understand you in some points: I fear the loss of beloved people (my parents are both 70+ , but in good health condition, so I hope to have them until they get 100+ :) )
And I don`t like the idea of having to leave this world some day. Although I am only 35 years old but it feels that life runs through my fingers like the fine sand of an hour glass.....well...
I have this poem framed on my desk:
Invictus by William Ernest Henly:
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
And for the good mood, listen to this radio staion (besides scenemusic.net :) ) :
www.kohina.com
Have a good time!
And I don`t like the idea of having to leave this world some day. Although I am only 35 years old but it feels that life runs through my fingers like the fine sand of an hour glass.....well...
I have this poem framed on my desk:
Invictus by William Ernest Henly:
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
And for the good mood, listen to this radio staion (besides scenemusic.net :) ) :
www.kohina.com
Have a good time!
the day kohina dies, the scene will truly be dead :)=
Skyrunner, thanks for the suggestions. I wish a long life for your beloved ones. :)
I'm listening Mosaik right now. He always saves my mood. :)
I'm listening Mosaik right now. He always saves my mood. :)
Pop, but very convenient http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ax6UXyAXSZo
That's strange or wrong for some but at the end of this session worrying for years about all these things and my life, I ended up into apathy, some nice apathy where I don't care anymore and just try to enjoy the little things.
So, I didn't cared about not having a girlfriend or not being like the rest of the world or just feeling like I suck in everything I do and I stopped paying attention to things that only make me feel worse. I am just concentrating to the things that I love to do. People would argue because I leave back some "important" things where I should(?) improve. But that's what I have chosen. I am still happy with my demos, my personal interests, and even if I am not happy with these at some periods, I stop and do something else and then return back. The rest is abandoned. Lame but..
There are some things that you love to do at times. Even doing nothing, staying there and taking a rest. Most people would disagree and place an alarm, but this is more healthy than constantly worrying.
Anyway good luck to you, your post reminds me of what I've being posting on this site several years ago. I just stopped arguing and enjoy what I can still enjoy.
So, I didn't cared about not having a girlfriend or not being like the rest of the world or just feeling like I suck in everything I do and I stopped paying attention to things that only make me feel worse. I am just concentrating to the things that I love to do. People would argue because I leave back some "important" things where I should(?) improve. But that's what I have chosen. I am still happy with my demos, my personal interests, and even if I am not happy with these at some periods, I stop and do something else and then return back. The rest is abandoned. Lame but..
There are some things that you love to do at times. Even doing nothing, staying there and taking a rest. Most people would disagree and place an alarm, but this is more healthy than constantly worrying.
Anyway good luck to you, your post reminds me of what I've being posting on this site several years ago. I just stopped arguing and enjoy what I can still enjoy.
get kids. then you truly have a reason to live. it's fucking awesame how my brain feeds me with satisfying valuable-life signals without me actually doing shit. :)
Not sure I can have some comforting words here, since I never experienced that. Somewhere at the end of my teen years I decided I'd just be happy and stop worrying too much. So far it worked, even though that didn't prepare me to the crush of being rejected and that kind of things.
Anyway, just enjoy yourself. Really. The grand scheme of the Universe and everything? Who cares? I mean, really. It's not like it's not important or interesting. It is. But first things first. Enjoy yourself, do what you want to do, get rid of whatever is bothering you, build yourself, embrace your human condition, and find your place in everything: society, Universe, whatever.
Eventually your relatives are going to die, that's a fact. Well enjoy the fact they're not at the moment and spend with them the time you would regret otherwise, tell them you love them while you can and fuck ego if it prevents you from it.
Also, don't take my words as patronizing, it's just the way I see things.
At last, five minutes of very wise words: http://www.ted.com/talks/ric_elias.html
Anyway, just enjoy yourself. Really. The grand scheme of the Universe and everything? Who cares? I mean, really. It's not like it's not important or interesting. It is. But first things first. Enjoy yourself, do what you want to do, get rid of whatever is bothering you, build yourself, embrace your human condition, and find your place in everything: society, Universe, whatever.
Eventually your relatives are going to die, that's a fact. Well enjoy the fact they're not at the moment and spend with them the time you would regret otherwise, tell them you love them while you can and fuck ego if it prevents you from it.
Also, don't take my words as patronizing, it's just the way I see things.
At last, five minutes of very wise words: http://www.ted.com/talks/ric_elias.html
