How about a joke anyone?
category: residue [glöplog]
Nagging Wife
An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot. One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began nagging him again. Complain, nag, complain, nag; it just went on and on. All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet, caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot. At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it. So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men. The old farmer said, "Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement." "And what about the men?" the minister asked. "They wanted to know if the mule was for sale."
An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot. One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began nagging him again. Complain, nag, complain, nag; it just went on and on. All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet, caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot. At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it. So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men. The old farmer said, "Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement." "And what about the men?" the minister asked. "They wanted to know if the mule was for sale."
Olny srmat poelpe can raed tihs.
cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt
tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt
tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
Read the following text and count the number of occurences of 'f' in it:
Finished files are the re
sult of years of scienti
fic study combined with
the experiance of years...
-
OK. Most of you will have probably counted three f's. But in reality there are six. That's because the brain tends to blend the word 'of' away.
However, this won't work with people who don't understand English.
Finished files are the re
sult of years of scienti
fic study combined with
the experiance of years...
-
OK. Most of you will have probably counted three f's. But in reality there are six. That's because the brain tends to blend the word 'of' away.
However, this won't work with people who don't understand English.
experiance the experience!
A seal walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink.
The bartender asks the seal, 'What's your pleasure?'
The seal replies, 'Anything but Canadian Club.'
The bartender asks the seal, 'What's your pleasure?'
The seal replies, 'Anything but Canadian Club.'
oh wait, this one is also particulary bad:
What's white, furry, wears sunglasses, and lazes in the sun all summer long?
-A solar bear!
What's white, furry, wears sunglasses, and lazes in the sun all summer long?
-A solar bear!
two tomatoes were crossing the street, one of them got hit by a truck and got stuck, the other one said "come'an, catch up!"
What kind of printer does a pig use?
An oink-jet!
An oink-jet!
Knock knock!
Who's there?
BASS!
I don't have a joke :(
It's okey! I never understood jokes myself! People even call me booring and a sad person!
*knock knock*
-who's there?
magic
-magic who?
exactly!
-who's there?
magic
-magic who?
exactly!
Qu'est ce qui est vert et qui pousse au fond de l'océan?
Un chou-marin.
Un chou-marin.
Tends to "blend the word "of" away"? What does that even mean? Don't you think it's much more likely that they are pronouncing the words and looking for the sound "f" (like when pronouncing the letter f).
This is a reversed joke.
start to laugh.
start to laugh.
The best joke *ever*:
- Hey, what a beatiful dog! It looks like a cat!
- It's a cat.
- So it looks like a dog!
- Hey, what a beatiful dog! It looks like a cat!
- It's a cat.
- So it looks like a dog!
I don't get it :)
Did you hear about the warez kid who forgot to shave? He got 0-day growth
What is 0-day growth? Does it has anything to do with stocks?
yours,
magic.
yours,
magic.
you're not magic - magic can't write that coherently.
An Irish man walks out of a pub.
How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A fish.
A fish.
a bug is eating from a leaf in a tree.
behind it on the branch sits a bird,
the bird thinks: if i wait till it finishes the leaf, the bug will be fatter and an even better meal.. so i will wait'.
behind the bird, sits a cat on the same branch.
the cat thinks: hmm, if i wait till that bird eats the bug the bird will be fatter and an even better meal.. so i will wait'.
so they both wait.. and the bug keeps munching the leaf
on the moment the bug is done eating, the bird attacks the bug and at that very same moment the cat attacks the bird. but the branch cant hold them all three so the branch snaps and the cat falls into the pond underneath the tree..
moral of this story: the bigger the desire, the wetter the pussy
behind it on the branch sits a bird,
the bird thinks: if i wait till it finishes the leaf, the bug will be fatter and an even better meal.. so i will wait'.
behind the bird, sits a cat on the same branch.
the cat thinks: hmm, if i wait till that bird eats the bug the bird will be fatter and an even better meal.. so i will wait'.
so they both wait.. and the bug keeps munching the leaf
on the moment the bug is done eating, the bird attacks the bug and at that very same moment the cat attacks the bird. but the branch cant hold them all three so the branch snaps and the cat falls into the pond underneath the tree..
moral of this story: the bigger the desire, the wetter the pussy