pouët.net

i think you think too much about everything.
stop thinking about everything.

gl & hf

i think only elmo is sad.

what 4kum4 said.

oswald & spiin aren't the first guys here to suggest psychiatric help, believe me. :)

and yes, in all seriousness, optimus, set up an appointment. there are all kinds of wonderful therapy and medication available. (i should know, i'm on some myself) there are millions of people out there like you, believe it or not, and you shouldn't feel weird because of it. you just need to let a professional talk with you.. and there ain't no professionals on pouet.net, i assure you. :)

"ain't no" is a double negative. So, who are these experts...?

only a cute private nurse at home could be any helpful. All other medicine people are bogus :p

Stay the F off Prozac buddy that stuff will kill you.

True. The problem though is that my mind can't stop the negative cycle thinking, no matter if I want(?). I believe that the chronic struggle of my OCD (my diagnosis which nobody accepts ;P) leads also to manic/bipolar depression as many suggest. Normally I didn't consider having depression or I am not sure about it, but you might be right, I can see something strange in my attitude. I am only sure about OCD atm. It may be connected. One random stupid detail in my life can spoil the rest of the day by trigerring continuous negative thoughts, thus swinging my mood.

I should visit a psychotherapist to talk about the matter. I really don't know when. Unfortunatelly I have many things that block me from doing it atm, I can't yet talk to my parents about it, I don't want to cancel my army duty because I have to finish it now and move further in life, maybe timing was not that good because I discovered about OCD and having such a bad anxiety during the first days in army (much more than others who got better after a week, soldiers could observe it upon me). Maybe I should talk to my parents and stop the army, but I don't want to because I'll have to finish my service later if I apply for cancel. I don't consider this. It's a bit easier now in the new camp where I work as a military mailman. But normally I should go to the psychiatr now.

And I feel so embarassed and sad that so many other people might have their own (and worse) problems but they don't make the noise I do here. I feel so bad that I get that attention you say but I am not sure why I continue. I think that there were other motives in yesterday DA trolling but I am not sure what yet..

you just make noise; ascii is cheap. Hell, comparitively it's nice to hear something real on here for once (as you might of noticed, the bbs has gone to the dogs).
.. you actively tried 'not-thinking'? breath counting, koans, that sort of stuff? it's a hard skill but imporve-able..

I am afraid to not think. Or maybe I don't want to pause my thoughts. Maybe I am already doing this at times without knowing with some real life activities that focus my mind in something (like playing computer games) to avoid ruminations, escape from what should be cured though for only a while. Some people try to escape from that thought by such stuff like counting or saying magic words and stuff (what is koans?). I never liked trying this method. It never ends like this. These are the compulsions to the obsession. More counting, more suffering. According to the docs on OCD treatment, this is not the way to go. It's hard to explain right now but maybe that's something I should take care myself and not write it here..

thom, isn't this guy one?

optimus
work out why u sad

then load up your ooozie with some silver bullets :)
because the pen is mightier!

Penn is mightier than Teller. It is a fact.